When the joke's on me

Comedian Frankie Boyle was recently in the news for making cruel jokes about people with Down’s syndrome. He’d been challenged at one of his shows by a mum of a young daughter with the condition, angry and upset by his remarks. Victoria Wright knows the feeling

Several years ago after appearing in a BBC documentary about facial disfigurement, I found out from a friend that Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant (co-creators of The Office and Extras) and Karl Pilkington had made jokes about my face on their Xfm radio show. Pilkington had described me as “the woman with the big head, like Bo’ Selecta!” after the Channel 4 show featuring a character with a large chin and bulging eyes. He’d joked it was hard to remember that people with facial disfigurements are human “because they don’t look human”. There was much laughter from Gervais and Merchant along with jokes about “midgets” and the Elephant Man.

I rang XFM demanding a recording of the show, which I received along with a letter from Pilkington inviting me to come on the show and “pretend” to tell him off. After listening to the recording I was overcome with shock. Having someone shout abuse at me in the street is one thing – at least I can choose to ignore them or wallop them with my handbag. But to be humiliated on radio for thousands of people to hear was something else. I felt bruised, angry and powerless.

I emailed a complaint to the managing director of Xfm who wrote back, saying he’d spoken to them, and apologised for the distress they had caused me. He gave me his “absolute assurance that such comments will not be broadcast on the station again”. I didn’t take my complaint any further as
I thought that would be the end of the matter. But over the years, every time someone shouted “Oi Bo Selecta!” at me in the street, I was left wondering if they’d heard the Xfm show.

Only recently did I learn that a couple of months after the Bo’ Selecta! episode, Merchant had joked on the show that it was great I hadn’t complained(!) and that I was a bigger person than Pilkington “at least head wise”. Gervais had even asked Pilkington where I would come in his “freak of the year” list. So much for absolute assurances.

People like Boyle, Gervais, Merchant and Pilkington might think they’re just having a laugh. But for those of us on the receiving end of their jokes, it really isn’t a laughing matter.