Mother's pride

As same-sex couples demand equal rights, for Helen*, a disabled lesbian, parenthood has brought fulfilment for all

After university, where I was supported by staff when I developed a brain tumour, I decided to move because I couldn’t cope with how fast everything was where my mum lived in London; it was so hard for me to get around. I relocated to Edinburgh in 1996 but because I wasn’t working, I soon felt very isolated and I became depressed.

Through my family I found friends in Edinburgh and a really good Quaker network, which I joined. I think that was around the time I started noticing women in a sexual way, it just creeps up on you. I went to see a gay film one day and I was suddenly so elated and excited that I had realised who I was.

I decided to try the dating network Switchboard Social, where I met my partner. She was initially resistant about having a child because she didn’t want him or her to have to deal with our lifestyle choice, but we went to Pride festival one year and she realised that we could be good parents.

We wanted to try and find a gay male donor, we’d decided I would be the “mum” as my partner wasn’t keen on having a child inside her. We tried people we knew but that fell through so we went through the hospital. It took about a year.

My partner worried that being pregnant would be difficult for me because my left side is unable to function, but, despite a 39 hour labour, everything went really well. I was so proud that I was able to deliver a child naturally.

A kid needs two parents and, in our relationship, my daughter Amy looks to the both of us for different things. I’m more of the mum while my partner is the “fun dad”. Though I would never want to stop Amy from contacting her dad when she is older, she doesn’t need a father figure – she has one.

I sometimes feel very clumsy with my daughter and it upsets me; I saw a physiotherapist to improve my balance but it didn’t really work. I just accept it now, and my daughter is so sweet with me that it’s hard to mind. But kids are so aware of “difference” and I worry that when she grows up my daughter will be embarrassed with her crooked mum.

We’re going to try for another baby, a new donor. We could never be without Amy, she’s so feisty and strong and we want to have more kids just like her.

• Helen* was talking to Cathy Reay

* not her real name