Trescothick's greatest test

Although he faced down hostile fast bowlers and crowds alike, it was anxiety and depression which ultimately forced Marcus Trescothick from the international arena. But, he tells Sunil Peck, he has no regrets

Marcus Trescothick is leaving the pitch at the Oval cricket ground to rapturous applause after scoring a century to clinch the Ashes. That’s how the pinnacle of his international career played out in his dreams, anyway.

In reality, Trescothick, revered as one of the finest cricketers of his generation, retired from international cricket in March after 76 test and 123 one-day appearances. As he explains in his autobiography, Coming Back To Me, the price of pursuing his Ashes dream would have been his mental health.

Trescothick joins Stephen Fry as a high profile figure who has gone public with his mental health problems. But although Fry has accepted his bipolar disorder as an integral aspect of his character and encouraged other people to take pride in their condition, Trescothick seems far less at ease with his anxiety and depression, and seems to see it as something to battle against.

“I know he struggled with it,” Trescothick says, when I ask him if he is aware of the TV documentary Fry made about his bipolar disorder. “I’d like to meet him and speak to him because it’s always interesting talking to people who have experienced similar things.”

Despite his contrasting approach to Fry’s, Trescothick still says that he is not bitter that his dreams of helping England to regain the Ashes are in tatters because of his impairment.

He is notching up runs for his county Somerset and he achieved most of what he wanted to as an England player during his six-and-a-half year international career.

Sitting opposite me in a London hotel, Trescothick says he is confident that he made the right decision to quit. “I know what it takes to play at the highest level and it takes a lot more effort than people realise. You’ve got to have that extra five or ten per cent that those international players have to make it happen and I don’t have that any more.”

His fondest England memory is of the Ashes victory in 2005 which captivated the nation, so it took some time to accept that he would not play for his country again, and particularly would not get to have another crack at the Aussies.

He tells me about one particular passage in his book. It describes how he felt when he was about to leave Australia just before the Ashes series in late 2006. England were preparing to defend their victory of the previous summer, but his depression and anxiety were forcing him to return home before the series began.

“At the time I was thinking this is the end of my career, and that was pretty painful to take,” he says. He remembers sitting on a train this summer, reading this passage in his book.

“Reliving the moments when I was packing my suitcase and putting my England cap and my England shirt into my bag and reading all the memories that I was going through then was quite tough. I shed a couple of tears. It made me sad, but it also made me smile. To know how passionate I was about it at the time, but how much I’ve let it go since then. I don’t carry that same burden around in my mind, thinking I can’t believe I’m not playing for England any more.”

His departure from Australia came just a few months after he had returned home early from a tour to India. While there, his depression and feelings of anxiety overwhelmed him when he saw children begging in the street. At that point, he was too scared of what the public reaction might be to disclose his mental health problems. So instead, journalists and cricket fans came up with a series of false rumours. Had Trescothick lost his appetite for the game?

Was his wife cheating on him? Did she have post-natal depression following the birth of their daughter?

While the rumours continued to circulate, he often faced abuse from opposition crowds while playing for Somerset. “They have their laugh and joke and they think it’s funny,” he says. “I just ignore it. Make a laugh and a joke of it, that’s always the best way. Show that it’s not bothering me, because it doesn’t bother me.”

Although he says he was able to deal with such incidents, he did feel uncomfortable about the circulating rumours until he decided that the only way to end the intense scrutiny was to be honest about his condition. And he says that the moment he did so, he felt better. “There were so many bad things flying around and people making up things left right and centre, that I said the only way that this is going to get better for me is to be honest and open to people about what is going on. The minute I did, I felt so much better, purely because I had nothing to hide, nothing to be scared of.”

Trescothick’s batting fell away towards the end of the domestic season. But his prolific form for Somerset this year had prompted England’s new captain, Kevin Pietersen, to ask if he might reconsider his decision to retire. But Trescothick refused and now says that he has no further aspirations to represent his country. “I’d love to have carried on and played 100 test matches, but it’s not possible and I’ve accepted that if I was to do it again, I would be making the wrong decision.”

But he says he never considered making a clean break from cricket. “It’s been my life,” he says.

It was the unfamiliar surroundings and being thousands of miles away from his family rather than pressure or disillusionment with the game that caused him the anguish he chronicles in his book.

“I’m going to be away for a week this week and I have no problem with that,” he says, “purely because I know that I’m in Scarborough and I can get on a train and be home in three hours or something.”

I wonder if he regards himself as being disabled in any way? “It’s the first time I’ve been asked that question,” he says, seemingly surprised. “Maybe at the time I was struggling, I would have had a slight disability. But I feel like I’ve come through that.”

He is unsure about the prevalence of mental illness among other high-profile cricketers. But while touring, he did witness colleagues showing signs of distress and home sickness. But ex-cricketers have confided to him that they can relate to his experiences of mental illness.

“I’m sure that there are other people who have had problems or are having similar problems. Whether they are on the same scale as mine, I couldn’t honestly tell you.”

Although Trescothick is basking in the relief of going public with his mental illness, he says there is a small part of him that misses being at the crease during England matches.

“I went to watch a game at Lords. It was the first time I’ve seen the team and the crowd in a big international game. ‘Strange’ is the only way I can describe it. It was just different, not having seen it before.”

But he stresses that he knows he has made the right decision. “What people have got to understand is that for me to get back and play for England, I would need to sacrifice a lot and put myself in a position where I know that I would be uncomfortable. I’d love to have carried on playing and I have great memories of my time playing. But I don’t want to keep doing it.”

What he does want to keep doing is playing for Somerset, for as long as he can. He ponders a question about whether he might write more books in the future, then laughs and says that it will take him 20 years before he has enough material for another book.

He fancies trying his hand at coaching – as long as he does not have to uproot his family from Taunton. He thinks his experiences of dealing with mental illness would add a valuable dimension to his cricketing talent.

“I’ve been there when it’s been good, I’ve been there when it’s got far too much and I’m a lot more sympathetic to people when they’re having problems. I’d like to think that I could give more on the coaching side, having experienced all aspects of what people can go through.”