Ask the Experts

I can't care for my husband any longer

Q I'm a carer and I'm in a very difficult position. Some 15 years ago my husband acquired a brain-injury and I've been caring for him ever since. His behaviour has deteriorated significantly over the last two years. He drinks, won't go out, is aggressive and moody, won't take his medication or have showers, and keeps weapons in his van.

I still love him but can't live with him or care for him anymore, and would like to arrange a meeting with social care to explore our options. I feel terrible and sick to my stomach but I can't cope. What will happen next? Will social care understand? Will I be treated badly because I've failed? I'd be grateful for any advice you can give.
Name supplied, by email

Simon Parritt replies:
You're in a very distressing and emotionally challenging situation. You've had to cope over the last 15 years with a major life-changing event. This has affected not just the man you love and married, but you, and you are left caring for a different person from the person you fell in love with. This makes the decisions you must now face, in both your interests, that much harder.

It would seem that something quite different has happened to your husband in the last two years. It may be that this change is not wholly related to his original brain injury. His drinking, aggressive moods, poor personal care and unwillingness to take his medication point to an urgent need for professional input now rather than later. I urge you not to wait until things get worse.

I recommend that you first contact the original team that dealt with your husband's rehabilitation and treatment following his injury. They should be understanding and point you in the right direction, if they couldn't help you themselves.

I can't believe, despite the bad press social care receives these days, that they wouldn't be sympathetic to your situation. You might also try the helpline at Headway, the Brain Injury Association.

I also urge you not to feel guilty, and at least to try and live with your feelings, while you do what's best for both of you. He's clearly at risk and unhappy, and if he has weapons in his van there's a potential serious risk to you, him and others. You really must seek urgent help before it becomes a criminal issue rather than a health issue.

You clearly love your husband. Doing the best for him may involve making some hard decisions for his and your future well being.

* The Headway website is headway.org.uk and its helpline is 0808 800 2244

Neighbours use my bay

QWhat do you have to do to make a disabled parking bay enforceable? My local housing association has put a disabled parking space in our car park but won't enforce it. This has made my life hell as I keep getting blocked in and can't go anywhere unless I know whose car is blocking me. Then I end up getting a mouthful of abuse when I ask them to move their car. It has taken five years to get a disabled bay marked out; what can I do to get it enforced?
Lisa Wicks, by email

Helen Dolphin answers:
I'm sorry to hear you have such thoughtless people living near you, as the disabled space that's marked outside your home relies to a certain degree on people's goodwill.

There are basically two types of bays and the bay outside your house is just an advisory bay, which means that the council doesn't formally restrict other vehicles from parking in them.

To enable this bay to be enforced would require a Traffic Regulatory Order (TRO). TROs can take a long time to implement and can cost a considerable amount of money, which in some areas local authorities are asking applicants to fund. I know that's not what you wanted to hear.

How do I become an access consultant?

Q I'm a disabled person who's keen to build a career as an access assessor for employment, education and other access needs. Can you advise me where I may be able to obtain accreditation and training to become an assessor?
Harry Taylor, by email

Agnes Fletcher has this advice:
The Centre for Accessible Environments (CAE) is a registered charity and the leading authority and resource on inclusive design and access to the built environment for disabled and older people.

CAE provides access consultancy, training, publications and advice, plus a helpline for disability-related built environment issues, funded by the Equality and Human Rights Commission.

It's also the administrative base for the National Register of Access Consult­ants (NRAC). NRAC is an independent register of accredited access auditors and access consult­ants who meet professional standards and criteria established by a peer review system - and by the way, the terms "access auditor" or "access consultant" are the usual terms for the type of activity you're referring to.

NRAC is the only UK-wide accreditation service for individuals who undertake access auditing and access consultancy. As such, it's the place for you if you're serious about becoming an access auditor.

You can download an information pack and find out about the core competencies required for being an access consultant.

You say you're disabled, which is a good start, but you'll need the necessary technical knowledge of the area and this may mean spending some time and money before you're able to practise in this area.

It's in all our interests that those acting as access consultants know what they're talking about! Once qualified, you can go it alone or contact the many consultancies that offer access services.

Good luck!